Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice – Steve Jobs
I have never had a lot of confidence in myself. It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was younger, but it’s something I’ve been constantly working on to improve. My confidence started growing more when I started taking karate, and I realized tonight that it’s continuing to grow stronger.
The past few days I’ve been running outside because the weather has been absolutely beautiful. Tonight, I decided to do a Blogilates cardio workout (that was actually on the September calendar from yesterday- I switched my off days around) to get a good warm up in. Now for the record, my usual move after doing the warm up video is to either repeat it a few times to get a solid cardio workout in or I continue with the rest of what’s on the calendar for that day. But tonight was different. Tonight I decided to practice karate.
I stepped outside of my small, one bedroom apartment to the little grassy area right in front of my door, took a deep breath, and started practicing.
I can’t even tell you the last time I practiced anything from karate, but it’s amazing how muscle memory works. It felt like it had only been a week, if that, since I had practiced last. Granted, I need a lot more practice to be as strong and crisp as I once was, but I definitely felt my movements being somewhat crisp. My arms stopped exactly where they were supposed to (most of the time), and my stances were nearly as steady as they used to be. I was giving it my all, which you can usually tell by how hard you’re breathing after doing one Kata (although, me being slightly out of breath may have been because I’m still building my endurance up through running, and would need to do the same for karate as well). It felt great to be back at it again.
One thing you learn in karate is to focus. You need focus in order to do any of the movements, to envision the fight so you punch/block/strike/or kick correctly, and to block out all of the sounds around you to keep you from getting distracted. That’s what I did. I paid no mind to the birds chirping around me, the cars driving past, or the people talking across the street at the little store. The only time I ever paid attention to those distractions was when I was taking my water breaks after practicing a few Katas.
That’s when I sensed it. I could feel someone was looking at me, so I glanced away from my water bottle to see one of my neighbors standing in his yard looking straight at me. It was only a short time after that that I heard him say, “Yeah, I see her! She’s in the black and green.” He then proceeded to laugh.
I could tell he was speaking about me not only because he described exactly what colors I was wearing, but also because he was staring right at me.
If this would’ve happened a few years ago, I probably would’ve been in tears because of someone judging me. Or I would’ve been ashamed and walked inside and pretended that I never went outside to practice at all.
I didn’t do any of those things. Instead, I laughed it off. I smiled at the guy as I saw him staring at me (which I hope he noticed) and started practicing the next Kata. I’m not afraid to practice karate in the front of my apartment, nor am I ashamed at it. Do I look funny throwing moves at the air with no one around? Probably. But that’s the entire purpose of them- you get the chance to practice all of the basics you know but in an organized form and envision a fight so that if you’re ever in a bad situation, you know how to react. Your muscles remember.
I can only imagine who he was talking to or what the other person was saying in response, but I’m not going to waste my time on something like that. Karate has brought me so much happiness. It’s been there for me at some of the hardest points in my life. So why would I be ashamed of practicing it right outside the comfort of my own apartment? Why should I be ashamed?
The answer is I shouldn’t, and I’m not. I was so comfortable practicing the Katas outside of my door, even as cars passed by. I was confident. For once in my life, I didn’t care about what people were thinking as they drove by or walked past. I’m not bothered by my random neighbor laughing at me.
I realized tonight that I’m more confident in myself than I believe, and that I have the ability to do whatever I want without needing acceptance or approval from anyone else. Tonight I did something because I wanted to do it, and I got laughed at, but that didn’t stop me from continuing to practice, and I can honestly tell you that it never will.
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